Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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