Swine flu. Run for my life!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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