I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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