Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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