So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
