Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
