As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
