That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
