I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
