every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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