...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
