jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
