Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
