Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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