not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
