It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize