I think I died a long time ago.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
