with your own penis?
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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