i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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