everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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