ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
