You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
