she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
