Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
