so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still have a little drunk in my system
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
