she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need moral support for this bender
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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