Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
