Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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