I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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