well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
