she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
