The maid of honor just puked.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
