I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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