My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
