She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
