Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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