1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
