By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
