Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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