SEEEEXXX PLEASE
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
