i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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