How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
