I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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