Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
