All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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