tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
