If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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