they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
