Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
