even my farts smell like vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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