Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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