Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
