Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
